The World As I See It

November 14, 2014

Town Erects Monument to Celebrate Grand Opening of Dick’s

Filed under: Monument — scarlatti21 @ 6:47 am
Tags: , , , , , ,


The town of Easton erected a monument this past week in celebration of the grand opening of Dick’s which took place four days after it actually opened. Town officials unveiled the adequately sized monument behind the Tidewater Inn earlier in the week to the excitement of numerous women in the area.

Town officials admit that they originally thought the monument would be larger, but the architect said that there has been some shrinkage due to the colder weather that has settled in the area. “Originally we thought the monument was going to be a good sized monument, but after it was unveiled we noticed it was merely an average sized monument,” said one council member, “but the architect assured us that shrinkage from cold weather is normal and it would look bigger during the warmer summer months.”

Dick’s officials said they have opened stores in many cities and have received numerous monuments over the years. They assured Easton that the size of their monument really doesn’t matter. “We’ve had large monuments, small monuments, fat monuments, thin monuments. You name it we’ve received it,” said a Dick’s official, “The size of the monument isn’t important. Each monument is special in its’ own way.”

Town officials said that they also have a latex tarp in order to cover the monument during rainy weather in an effort to preserve the monument, “It’s important to protect the monument,” said a town official, “We’ve heard that failure to protect the monument could lead to discoloration and spots developing.”

Town officials have said that they’ve received numerous compliments about their monument and have even had several people who have asked if they could touch the monument, “People seem pleased as punch with our monument,” said one official, “People have told us that it’s one of the best monuments they’ve ever seen and that they’re impressed with how straight up in the air it is.”

The town said that the monument has received such positive reviews that they are considering giving monuments to other stores in honor of their grand openings. There is already talk of a monument to honor BJ’s grand opening, but excessive winds have stalled construction plans. Officials said that the delay has been tough to swallow.

Easton citizens have said they are amazed at how fast the town erected the monument, “When I went to bed last night there was no monument,” said one amazed citizen, “But then in the morning I wake up and there it is. A solid monument sticking straight up in the air.”

Dick’s officials said they hope to have a ceremony at the monument where they’ll play light jazz and serve oysters and wine. They’ve asked that the children be put to bed early that night and only adults attend.



  1. Best one ever Phil! Glad to see you are still hard on the job!

    Comment by Otis T — November 14, 2014 @ 1:47 pm

  2. Ha Ha Very funny. I have to work near this prick you know!

    Comment by Mark Bryan — November 14, 2014 @ 10:07 pm

  3. It’s hard to see!!

    Comment by megan — November 15, 2014 @ 9:49 am

  4. Dick lives up to his name, huh

    Comment by Em Harrington — November 16, 2014 @ 1:09 pm

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