The World As I See It

February 4, 2015

Saint Michaels gets state approval to ignore ethics; Hell yeah!

Filed under: comedy,ethics,funny,humor,Saint Michaels — scarlatti21 @ 6:43 am
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Saint Michaels – The Maryland State Ethics Commission advised Saint Michaels that it is exempt from adopting the state ethics measure that had previously caused the town to consider secession.

The decision was handed down by the State Ethics Commission on Dec. 2014, but the town didn’t get word until just last week because of what town officials are calling, “The most kick ass New Year’s part ever”, causing many in the town to take nearly a month to recover.

The Saint Michaels Commissioners announced the approval at their most recent meeting. The news was met with raucous applause while several commissioners sprayed champagne on several scantily clad women at the meeting. T-shirts came off, orgies broke out, boozing was rampant… was a hell of a time.

“It’s about f&%^ing time,” said one commissioner who was drinking from a 40 of Olde English while smoking a blunt. A dice game quickly broke out at the rear of the meeting while another corner of the room had a crowd surrounding a cock fight. For the record Mr. Cluckles won the cock fight.

State law passed in 2010 required municipalities to pass an ethics ordinance because, “You know, it just seemed like a good idea,” said one state official. Municipalities could request an exemption if ethics really wasn’t their thing.

While the town was seeking exemption from the state ethics law, the town did point out that there has been a town ethics ordinance on the books since 1982, “You alls should know dat we’s  had a f*&%ing ethics law on de books since 1982,” said town attorney, Mugsy Gambino, “Bada bing bada boom.”

The battle over the ethics ordinance actually caused the resignation of one commissioner who simply couldn’t wait to be unethical, “We were sorry to see him go, but he had money laundering to do and we were really holding him down,” said one commissioner, “We wish him luck in all of his unethical endeavors.”

Prior to getting state approval to be unethical, the commissioners struggled mightily to put together an ethics ordinance that complied with state law, “Have you ever tried to be ethical,” complained one commissioner, “It’s tougher than wrestling a greased pig.” The state rejected 94 drafts sent in by the commissioners saying, “It was the craziest shit we’d ever seen,” said one state regulator, “They actually had one provision written in that allowed for families to own 3 pitbulls as long as they were only being used for dog fighting purposes.”

The commissioners finally got an ordinance passed by the state only to have their own citizens turn in a petition over-turning the ordinance, “F&$^ that,” said town spokesperson, Tommy Harrison, “Next they’re going to start putting limits on how many rock fish you can catch or how many geese you can shoot. The damn world’s gone haywire.”

The town said an official celebration party will be held on July 1st. The party will include a wet t-shirt contest, a keg stand area, Jell-o shots, back alley dice games, and rides for the kids. The town said the party will be BYOB and has asked families to bring riding mowers to drive home in an effort to avoid drunk driving.

The town’s own ethics ordinance will remain in affect. The entire transcript from that ordinance can be read in it’s entirety below:

Saint Michaels Town Ethics Ordinance

Have fun you son’s of bitches!




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