The World As I See It

August 22, 2015

BJ’s…………Coming soon

Filed under: BJ's,comedy,dicks,funny,humor — scarlatti21 @ 7:44 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

bjs   With the success of Dick’s in Easton, town residents now turn their attention to the promise that BJ’s will be coming soon to the area. “My girlfriend has been promising BJ’s for a long time,” said one anxious young resident, “So of course there’s been some excitement and obviously a little bit of nervousness, but I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be for BJ’s.”

While many are concerned whether BJ’s will be worth it, one young man summed it up best, “Some BJ’s are better than others, but in the end a bad BJ’s is better than no BJ’s.”

Others disagreed, “I had my first BJ’s experience in Baltimore,” said one young man who asked not to be identified, “It was filthy, I hurt myself, and in the end I walked with a noticeable limp for almost a week.”

BJ’s officials have still not confirmed a grand opening date, but have promised that the event will be one for the ages, “There will be events for all ages and a raffle with the grand prize being a Hummer.” Store officials said you must be 18 to win the Hummer.

Residents insist that the area has long needed BJ’s, so that residents can avoid going over the bridge. “I’ve always had to go across the bridge to Annapolis or Baltimore for BJ’s,” said one older gentleman who appeared to have been beaten down by life, “But when my wife said BJ’s would finally be available in Easton, well I just about fell out of my chair. It’s been a long time coming. A long, long, long, long time coming.”

The decision to bring BJ’s to Easton was spurned by a recent study that showed men to be more productive with BJ’s available, “It’s the damndest thing,” said one town official, “But a study conducted at Harvard showed that when a town has BJ’s, productivity goes up 69%. No one seems to understand the connection, but the facts are the facts.”

Many admit that the anticipation is almost as good as actually getting a BJ’s, “Just knowing a BJ’s is coming makes me a little weak kneed,” admitted one local octogenarian, “I’m just hoping my heart can still handle BJ’s. It’s been a while.”

BJ’s management said they are excited about the Easton location, but wanted to clarify a misconception that apparently had been floating around, “While we will offer great products such as tissues and pearl necklaces we will not be offering facials as many had thought.” While this was tough information to swallow it didn’t seem to dissuade the excitement of residents, “Hey, BJ’s is BJ’s. With or without facials you just can’t beat BJ’s.”

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