The World As I See It

January 31, 2016

Shore finally gets BJ’s; Been a long time coming

Filed under: bearded clam,BJ's,comedy,dicks,funny,humor,Uncategorized — scarlatti21 @ 12:34 pm
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After an enormous amount of begging and pleading, promises to be more helpful around the house, pay more attention to the kids, and most importantly the promise to pay way more attention to your emotional needs, Easton is finally getting BJ’s.

Many in the area agree that it’s been a long time coming, but the wait was well worth it. “I feel like the promise of BJ’s was always there, but just out of reach,” said one ecstatic local man, “But now to finally have BJ’s? Wow! I feel like the wait was well worth it. That first BJ’s experience was mind blowing.”

While many are showing youthful exuberance at the arrival of BJ’s, others are more skeptical, “It was a lot to take in,” said one local mom, “I thought I’d be ok with BJ’s, but in and out once and I was done!” The young woman’s dejected looking husband said he was going to go home and maybe work out and try to put it out of his mind that he and his wife would never again entertain the idea of BJ’s.

Town officials said they have been pleased with the overall reaction to BJ’s and said that it has even brought an influx of people from surrounding areas looking to get their BJ’s fix, “People all over the shore have been wanting BJ’s to come to the area,” said one official, “We’re excited that Easton is the epicenter for many people having their first BJ’s experience. This is an exciting time for young and old alike.”

Town officials went on to say that they are hoping the arrival of BJ’s will help Dick’s after Dick’s took a pounding in the 4th quarter. “Dick’s took a real beating,” said one town official, “We’re hoping that BJ’s will prop Dick’s back up where it belongs.”

It is important to note that as nice as BJ’s is, BJ’s is not for everyone and store management wanted to stress that no one should force BJ’s on anyone, “We understand that some people are leery of BJ’s,” said store manager, Harold Peters, “it may take some people some time before they accept BJ’s. Others will avoid BJ’s altogether. That’s ok. To each their own. BJ’s is an acquired taste.”

BJ’s officials said that early reports indicate that men appear to be enjoying the BJ’s experience more than women leading BJ’s to consider opening a clam bar, “Studies show that women like when clams are eaten,” said one store manager,” We don’t know the correlation, but who are we to question science? If women like clams eaten, then eaten clams we shall give them.”

Many agreed that if you are going to visit BJ’s that eating clams should definitely be part of the experience. No word yet on when the clam bar will be open, but store officials have confirmed that they are in talks with the owners of The Bearded Clam in Sarasota, Fl. about opening a Bearded Clam so that Eastonians can enjoy Dicks, BJ’s and eating at The Bearded Clam without having to travel out of their comfort zone.

 

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August 22, 2015

BJ’s…………Coming soon

Filed under: BJ's,comedy,dicks,funny,humor — scarlatti21 @ 7:44 am
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bjs   With the success of Dick’s in Easton, town residents now turn their attention to the promise that BJ’s will be coming soon to the area. “My girlfriend has been promising BJ’s for a long time,” said one anxious young resident, “So of course there’s been some excitement and obviously a little bit of nervousness, but I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be for BJ’s.”

While many are concerned whether BJ’s will be worth it, one young man summed it up best, “Some BJ’s are better than others, but in the end a bad BJ’s is better than no BJ’s.”

Others disagreed, “I had my first BJ’s experience in Baltimore,” said one young man who asked not to be identified, “It was filthy, I hurt myself, and in the end I walked with a noticeable limp for almost a week.”

BJ’s officials have still not confirmed a grand opening date, but have promised that the event will be one for the ages, “There will be events for all ages and a raffle with the grand prize being a Hummer.” Store officials said you must be 18 to win the Hummer.

Residents insist that the area has long needed BJ’s, so that residents can avoid going over the bridge. “I’ve always had to go across the bridge to Annapolis or Baltimore for BJ’s,” said one older gentleman who appeared to have been beaten down by life, “But when my wife said BJ’s would finally be available in Easton, well I just about fell out of my chair. It’s been a long time coming. A long, long, long, long time coming.”

The decision to bring BJ’s to Easton was spurned by a recent study that showed men to be more productive with BJ’s available, “It’s the damndest thing,” said one town official, “But a study conducted at Harvard showed that when a town has BJ’s, productivity goes up 69%. No one seems to understand the connection, but the facts are the facts.”

Many admit that the anticipation is almost as good as actually getting a BJ’s, “Just knowing a BJ’s is coming makes me a little weak kneed,” admitted one local octogenarian, “I’m just hoping my heart can still handle BJ’s. It’s been a while.”

BJ’s management said they are excited about the Easton location, but wanted to clarify a misconception that apparently had been floating around, “While we will offer great products such as tissues and pearl necklaces we will not be offering facials as many had thought.” While this was tough information to swallow it didn’t seem to dissuade the excitement of residents, “Hey, BJ’s is BJ’s. With or without facials you just can’t beat BJ’s.”

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