The World As I See It

January 31, 2016

Shore finally gets BJ’s; Been a long time coming

Filed under: bearded clam,BJ's,comedy,dicks,funny,humor,Uncategorized — scarlatti21 @ 12:34 pm
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ed pic

 

After an enormous amount of begging and pleading, promises to be more helpful around the house, pay more attention to the kids, and most importantly the promise to pay way more attention to your emotional needs, Easton is finally getting BJ’s.

Many in the area agree that it’s been a long time coming, but the wait was well worth it. “I feel like the promise of BJ’s was always there, but just out of reach,” said one ecstatic local man, “But now to finally have BJ’s? Wow! I feel like the wait was well worth it. That first BJ’s experience was mind blowing.”

While many are showing youthful exuberance at the arrival of BJ’s, others are more skeptical, “It was a lot to take in,” said one local mom, “I thought I’d be ok with BJ’s, but in and out once and I was done!” The young woman’s dejected looking husband said he was going to go home and maybe work out and try to put it out of his mind that he and his wife would never again entertain the idea of BJ’s.

Town officials said they have been pleased with the overall reaction to BJ’s and said that it has even brought an influx of people from surrounding areas looking to get their BJ’s fix, “People all over the shore have been wanting BJ’s to come to the area,” said one official, “We’re excited that Easton is the epicenter for many people having their first BJ’s experience. This is an exciting time for young and old alike.”

Town officials went on to say that they are hoping the arrival of BJ’s will help Dick’s after Dick’s took a pounding in the 4th quarter. “Dick’s took a real beating,” said one town official, “We’re hoping that BJ’s will prop Dick’s back up where it belongs.”

It is important to note that as nice as BJ’s is, BJ’s is not for everyone and store management wanted to stress that no one should force BJ’s on anyone, “We understand that some people are leery of BJ’s,” said store manager, Harold Peters, “it may take some people some time before they accept BJ’s. Others will avoid BJ’s altogether. That’s ok. To each their own. BJ’s is an acquired taste.”

BJ’s officials said that early reports indicate that men appear to be enjoying the BJ’s experience more than women leading BJ’s to consider opening a clam bar, “Studies show that women like when clams are eaten,” said one store manager,” We don’t know the correlation, but who are we to question science? If women like clams eaten, then eaten clams we shall give them.”

Many agreed that if you are going to visit BJ’s that eating clams should definitely be part of the experience. No word yet on when the clam bar will be open, but store officials have confirmed that they are in talks with the owners of The Bearded Clam in Sarasota, Fl. about opening a Bearded Clam so that Eastonians can enjoy Dicks, BJ’s and eating at The Bearded Clam without having to travel out of their comfort zone.

 

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August 22, 2015

BJ’s…………Coming soon

Filed under: BJ's,comedy,dicks,funny,humor — scarlatti21 @ 7:44 am
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bjs   With the success of Dick’s in Easton, town residents now turn their attention to the promise that BJ’s will be coming soon to the area. “My girlfriend has been promising BJ’s for a long time,” said one anxious young resident, “So of course there’s been some excitement and obviously a little bit of nervousness, but I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be for BJ’s.”

While many are concerned whether BJ’s will be worth it, one young man summed it up best, “Some BJ’s are better than others, but in the end a bad BJ’s is better than no BJ’s.”

Others disagreed, “I had my first BJ’s experience in Baltimore,” said one young man who asked not to be identified, “It was filthy, I hurt myself, and in the end I walked with a noticeable limp for almost a week.”

BJ’s officials have still not confirmed a grand opening date, but have promised that the event will be one for the ages, “There will be events for all ages and a raffle with the grand prize being a Hummer.” Store officials said you must be 18 to win the Hummer.

Residents insist that the area has long needed BJ’s, so that residents can avoid going over the bridge. “I’ve always had to go across the bridge to Annapolis or Baltimore for BJ’s,” said one older gentleman who appeared to have been beaten down by life, “But when my wife said BJ’s would finally be available in Easton, well I just about fell out of my chair. It’s been a long time coming. A long, long, long, long time coming.”

The decision to bring BJ’s to Easton was spurned by a recent study that showed men to be more productive with BJ’s available, “It’s the damndest thing,” said one town official, “But a study conducted at Harvard showed that when a town has BJ’s, productivity goes up 69%. No one seems to understand the connection, but the facts are the facts.”

Many admit that the anticipation is almost as good as actually getting a BJ’s, “Just knowing a BJ’s is coming makes me a little weak kneed,” admitted one local octogenarian, “I’m just hoping my heart can still handle BJ’s. It’s been a while.”

BJ’s management said they are excited about the Easton location, but wanted to clarify a misconception that apparently had been floating around, “While we will offer great products such as tissues and pearl necklaces we will not be offering facials as many had thought.” While this was tough information to swallow it didn’t seem to dissuade the excitement of residents, “Hey, BJ’s is BJ’s. With or without facials you just can’t beat BJ’s.”

January 14, 2015

Adult toy recall

Filed under: comedy,dicks,funny,humor,toys — scarlatti21 @ 6:52 am
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Adult toy maker, Adam & Eve has recalled thousands of adult toys after consumers complained that the toys looked too much like Play-Doh dispensers. Numerous frustrated housemother’s flooded Adam & Eve’s website with comments such as, “Great, my kid is asking why Mommy has a Play-Doh dispenser in her nightstand” and “I don’t know whether to pleasure myself or make my kid a Play-Doh ice-cream cone with sprinkles.”

 

Adam & Eve's "Lil' Buddy" toy.....with Play-Doh just in case

Adam & Eve’s “Lil’ Buddy” toy…..with Play-Doh just in case

This is not the first time the adult industry has accidentally made a toy that looked like a male’s thingy. In 2009 Adam & Eve released the 5 speed “Megatron 2000” which many complained looked eerily like Dora the Explorer. The company insisted that was never the intent.

 

The "Megatron 2000" with little Nora as your pleasure guide.

The “Megatron 2000” with little Nora as your pleasure guide.

 

Homemaker, Mary Dunham says that it’s been difficult explaining to her daughter why she has so many children’s toys in her night stand, “My daughter thinks I’m confiscating all of her toys. I had to add a second night stand. She cries and cries and wants to know why I’m taking them all. She thought it was because I didn’t have any toys so she bought me one for Christmas.”

 

Mary Dunham's gift from her daughter

Mary Dunham’s gift from her daughter

“She knew I was a fan of ET and thought I’d really like it,” said a disturbed Dunham, “The thing glows. At first I thought that would be creepy, but it ended up coming in handy. I have a great daughter.”

 

Adam & Eve said that anyone who would like an exchange can send their “Lil’ Buddy” back in exchange for the “Master-bot 3000”.

 

The "Master-bot 3000"

The “Master-bot 3000”

July 1, 2014

Dick’s coming to Easton; BJ’s to follow

Thanks to stiff support from the Women’s League of Voters, the Easton Planning Board has approved Dick’s Sporting Goods for the area. This was music to the ears of many women in the area, “I know a lot of people are opposed to Dick’s being here,” said stay at home mom Staci Simpson, “But let’s face it, ‘Dick’s; ‘can’t live with them, can’t live without them,’ am I right?”

As expected, shortly after the approval of Dick’s people began to voice their support for BJ’s Wholesale Club to come as well, “I don’t know how you can have Dick’s without BJ’s,” said one area father, who admitted that even if BJ’s were to come to the area he didn’t think his wife would allow BJ’s to ever be a part of his daily routine, “But it’s just nice to know that BJ’s is an option.” He went on to say that he was at least hoping his wife would allow BJ’s on his birthday.

Many people are excited at the proposition of Dick’s arrival making it possible to avoid having to drive to Salisbury or across the bridge every time you need balls, “Dick’s will provide all of your ball needs,” said one planning board official, “They carry balls of all shapes, sizes, and colors. You need balls. Dick’s will have them.”

The idea to get Dick’s to come to the area was the brainchild of frustrated stay at home mom, Kimberly Bennett, who got the idea after spending an afternoon sipping Sangria and scrapbooking with other area Moms, “We knew something was missing,” she said, “The more we talked the more we realized we were missing Dick’s. It’s not that we necessarily want Dick’s here, but the reality is we need Dick’s. At least that’s what my therapist says.”

With the confirmation that Dick’s was coming talk quickly turned to the need for BJ’s, “I’ll be honest, I don’t even remember what BJ’s is like,” said one seemingly frustrated area man, “But as I recalled I liked it. I guess I support BJ’s for nostalgic reasons.”

Easton’s planning board said the hardest part is determining where to put Dick’s and BJ’s, but assured the public that they would be side by side, “The plan is to build the BJ’s, then stick the Dick’s right in the front of it. Just seems like it would condense space and it’s nice to have Dick’s and BJ’s together,” said one town official speaking on condition of anonymity and giggling like a schoolgirl.

Admittedly the approval for Dick’s went smoother than the approval of BJ’s as many local women were more against BJ’s than the board had expected. “It’s funny, they were relatively quiet at first, but the more we talked about it the more they started to sort of say they didn’t really want BJ’s,” said one town official, “Many of the local women said they had experience with BJ’s and while they were ok with BJ’s during their early 20’s, they would be fine if BJ’s was no longer a part of their lives.”

In the end the board felt that if they succumbed to the women and approved Dick’s they would have to throw a bone to the men and approve BJ’s, “We’re not saying that everyone has to be a fan of Dick’s or a fan of BJ’s, but we think that the happiness of our citizens will improve with Dick’s and BJ’s in their lives,” said one planning board member, “It’s time to put some big old smiles back on our citizens faces.”

There has been no official grand opening date set for either store, but town officials preached patience, “Dick’s should start their ground breaking pretty quickly. The minute you ok Dick’s they show up pretty quickly,” said one town official, “But BJ’s will be a slower proposition. We expect some opposition and you really have to ease the idea on a lot of people. Some people are apprehensive about BJ’s.” The official went on to say that BJ’s would definitely be here eventually. It was just real hard to say exactly when.

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