The World As I See It

September 3, 2016

9th Grader refuses to stand for pledge of allegiance until Colin Kaepernick no longer makes ridiculous amount of money to be a back-up quarterback

Filed under: anthem,comedy,funny,humor,Kaepernick,pledge — scarlatti21 @ 9:05 am
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Young Tommy Keister clearly shown sitting during The Pledge of Allegiance. Trust us, he's there. He's behind the flag so you can't really see him but he's there. It was the best angle we could get what with the other students and such and the teacher not letting us further into the classroom because we were being "disruptive". Whatever

Young Tommy Keister clearly shown sitting during The Pledge of Allegiance. Trust us, he’s there. He’s behind the flag so you can’t really see him but he’s there. It was the best angle we could get what with the other students and such and the teacher not letting us further into the classroom because we were being “disruptive”. Whatever

9th grader, Tommy Keister has refused to stand for Washington High School’s morning pledge until NFL backup, Colin Kaepernick is no longer making $19,000,000 to sit the bench and watch 16 football games a season when his own Dad has to work two jobs as a janitor and restaurant dishwasher just to make ends meet. “My Dad works from daybreak to midnight just so we have food, a place to live, clothes to wear, and the basics in life and has no time to spend with us,” said a distraught Keister, “while this douche, I’m sorry, I mean Mr. Kaepernick makes an insane amount of money to sit the bench and watch other people play football. How can I pledge allegiance to a country that supports that?”

This is not the first time the young revolutionary has used the power of protest to improve the world. When Keister was in 7th grade he refused to recite The Lord’s Prayer in church until God damned Kanye West to hell. The protest ended in success after Kanye married into the Kardashian family.

Keister admitted that he understands Kaepernick’s current refusal to stand and instead sit on the bench during the playing of The Star Spangled Banner saying, “If I was getting paid $19,000,000 to sit the bench I’d feel the need to put in some overtime as well.”

“Let’s face it, if Kaepernick stopped playing football no one would bat an eye, but if my Dad didn’t clean the toilet bowl at the Piggly Wiggly where he works you’d damn well notice,” said Keister. The young man went on to say that his Dad is really hoping that the minimum wage is raised to $15 so that maybe he could work only one job and be around a little more and maybe, just maybe, even come to one of his own son’s games. He admitted that on $15 an hour they still wouldn’t have the money to go to a San Francisco game to see Kaepernick sit the bench.

Keister’s classmates say they understand Keister’s right to sit during The Pledge of Allegiance, but say that they feel it’s disrespectful to not pledge his allegiance when there are men like Kaepernick who have fought hard for this country and have earned the right to make $19,000,000 a year to sit the bench while janitor’s make $10 an hour if they’re lucky. Many went on to say that with that kind of money they can’t figure out why Kaepernick can’t pay a stylist to do something with that rat’s nest that sits upon his head.

49ers officials have stated that they are aware of Keister’s protest and that they are considering cutting Kaepernick, although they said it had little to do with the protest and more to do with Kaepernick sucking at football and just being an overall douche in general.

During their most recent game rather than sit on the bench during The national Anthem, Kaepernick took a knee which isn’t really a protest per se, but more or less just being different than everybody else which just takes him to a new level of douche baggery. Young Keister has said that in response to Kaepernick’s kneeling rather than sitting the bench he will alter his protest and now lay across his desk making fart noises during The Pledge of Allegiance.

 

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