The World As I See It

May 10, 2017

Comey latest contestant ‘fired’ from the Apprentice

Filed under: comedy,Comey,funny,humor,politics,President,Trump,Uncategorized — scarlatti21 @ 6:00 am
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Comey and Trump sharing a kiss during happier times.

 

In a surprise twist on last night’s episode of The Apprentice, contestant James Comey was fired. Experts thought he had a real chance of winning after he won the “get me elected” challenge easily, “It really looked like he had the inside track,” said the show’s Executive Producer, Kellyanne Conway, “But the Donald likes to keep us guessing.”

 

Many now feel that the clear favorite is Sean Spicer, “Spicer came out as this bumbling idiot, but Donald seems to like that,” said one expert, “Donald likes to feel like the smartest in the room which really limits who else can be in the room.”

 

Comey began the show on fire during the first challenge when he opened an “investigation” for the 18th time into Hillary’s email scandal, thus propelling Trump to a surprising victory. He later apologized saying that sometimes winning is worse than losing.

 

In a move that many are calling as close to a class act as Donald gets, Comey was informed of his firing when he heard it on CNN. He later received a nice letter and a gift basket from Trump. The gift basket was an edible arrangement which consisted of only lemons and sour grapes.

 

Comey said he has no idea what he will do next, but says he has no regrets and is glad as hell that he is off the show.

February 26, 2017

Andy Harris to definitely, probably, most likely hold town hall meeting in Easton

Filed under: Andy Harris,comedy,funny,humor,politics,satire — scarlatti21 @ 5:21 pm
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andy

 

Andy Harris has confirmed this week that he would definitely, probably, most likely hold a brick-and-mortar (fancy way of saying in person) town hall meeting in Easton on March 31st assuming the Republicans have a replacement plan in place for the Affordable Care Act. Easton residents have been pressuring Harris to hold the in-person meeting in order to discuss their concerns about repealing the Affordable Care Act so holding the meeting after it’s been repealed makes complete sense.

Harris did leave the meeting open to being cancelled if no replacement plan is in place as of March 31st. While he admits nothing is in place yet, he did say that he helped write the first sentence which is one of the most kick-ass first sentences any bill has ever seen. Even President Trump said it was the best, the very best sentence any bill has ever seen. No one could write a better sentence. The best.

Harris has recently been refusing to attend town hall meetings saying they are “super scary” instead opting for tele-town hall meetings where he can hand pick the callers and make funny faces during the meeting with no one seeing. He also made a few prank calls during the meeting, telling people that answered that he was all ears and would love to hear their concerns. He could be heard giggling uncontrollably on the other end.

Easton residents had been calling Harris for weeks about meeting with them in person so that they could share their questions and concerns about the ACA repeal, so to have him schedule a meeting after the repeal has lead many residents to use the term “what the fuck” more often than they would’ve liked. “I had to explain to my ten year old how to use the term correctly,” said one constituent, “It was so cute once she finally used it right. Now every time she hears the name, Andy Harris, What the fuck is the first thing out of her mouth. It’s adorable.”

While Easton residents are excited, many are cautioning there optimism, “Vegas has the odds of Harris not cancelling the meeting at 20 to 1,” said one political analyst, “while the odds of Harris screwing his constituents is currently at 2 to 1.”

The residents of Easton are currently trying to secure the Easton High School auditorium for the event where they said a production of The King and I will be performed if Harris is a no show.

 

October 13, 2008

Palin Plans Trip To Canadian Side Of Niagara Falls

Filed under: canada,comedy,funny,humor,news,Palin,politics,Uncategorized — scarlatti21 @ 6:04 am
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In an effort to boost her foreign policy credentials, Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin is planning a trip to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. “I’m a little nervous”, admitted the globetrotter, “I’m not familiar with their language or their customs, but until you go you can’t learn”.

 

Palin, who has been watching Russia from her home now “for years”, is excited about the trip, “I plan on bringing them a Salmon and I am really excited about receiving a gift in return”, said the adventurer, “Perhaps they will give me a traditional head-dress or tribal jewelry”.

 

Palin has said that if elected Vice President there is a good chance she will travel even more. “My intention is to try and go to a foreign country at least once a year if elected”, said the jet setter, “I’m thinking Utah next”.

Palin has insisted that just because she hasn’t been to any foreign countries doesn’t mean she isn’t aware they exist. “I’ve heard of countries like Africa and South America”, said a defiant Palin, “And I have full intentions of visiting them as well as soon as I printout the mapquest directions”.

Palin has said that they plan to take the trip to Canada shortly after her daughter, Bristol, gives birth and before she has time to get pregnant again.

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